PART 03: THE TAO OF COMMUNICATION // TAKE IN

05 Decipher the Implicit

One of the most common communication challenges is the existence of a layer beneath the spoken or written words. This implicit layer is always present; we never articulate everything we know or think, which is not inherently bad. We think, process, filter, and decide what to share, when, and with whom. We leave out things intentionally or absentmindedly. What we communicate is rarely a mirror of what is on our minds. If it were, our partners would lose focus, and we would rarely achieve anything worthwhile. As we will see, this is essential for organizing information and ideas before sharing them with our partners. However, when we are the ones receiving the information and trying to understand our partner’s perspective, some things that are not articulated are actually essential and can change our mental model of the issue at stake. 

A couple of years ago, I had a series of discussions with Human Resources managers about the misalignment of goals between groups in our organization. I tried to propose ways to align goals and avoid conflicts that, I believed, slowed us down and caused a lot of frustration. Deep into the third or fourth discussion, I sensed something unspoken that I had overlooked until then. So, I explicitly asked, “Do we agree that goals should be aligned across the organization?” The answer should have surprised me, but when I heard it, it made all the preceding discussions make sense: “Not really.” Until that moment, I thought we were discussing how to align the goals of different groups. Following this new (until then implicit) information, I realized we must have a different discussion altogether; we need to understand the benefits and the downsides of aligning goals and agree on the desired approach.

There are various reasons why some things are implicit in the first place. Sometimes, people deliberately withhold information. Their motivation is rarely to sabotage the conversation. People might leave specific details implicit to avoid the consequences of opening them up for discussion. In other cases, people don’t think the information is important and focus only on what they believe is essential. There are many cases where people keep things implicit unintentionally: either they forget to mention a piece of information, or they think it is obvious and don’t consider that it might not be evident to others. Whatever the reason, we cannot fully understand what our partners share with us without deciphering this implicit layer. Deciphering the implicit can even change the entire direction of the discussion. 

As part of my work with different teams, we sought to define Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) to improve decision-making and make it more data-driven. We had a couple of meetings in which some ideas were shared and discussed, but some of the associates kept pushing back every KPI anyone proposed. They came up with many reasons why each of the KPIs was ineffective, inaccurate, or simply impossible to measure. While some arguments were valid, their accumulation hinted at an unspoken subtext. So, I approached a couple of my colleagues informally and privately. 

In a private setting, they admitted their concern wasn’t about the specific KPIs. The issue was that they felt their teams were being scrutinized and that the new KPIs would be used to evaluate their performance. This was not the declared goal of this activity, and I had no reason to suspect that higher-level managers would misuse the data. However, I couldn’t have addressed my colleagues’ concerns until we uncovered this subtext and brought this issue out into the open. I wasn’t even aware this was a concern. Knowing what my associates had in mind but didn’t articulate explicitly had a significant impact on the conversation. Once we realized this was a concern, it was easier to involve higher-level managers who clarified the true purpose of the KPIs and their intended use. Understanding this implicit layer has also enabled us to develop nuanced solutions promoting our initiative while addressing my colleagues’ concerns. 

An effective way to decipher implicit motivation and underlying details is to ask explicitly, “Why?” This simple yet powerful practice helps us understand context, subtext, and many other implicit pieces of the puzzle.

In an organizational context, we and our communication partners often focus on the bottom line. This results in shallower discussions, where anything slightly below the surface will likely be pushed back or ignored. Asking “Why?” helps us dig deeper. Surprisingly, many people welcome the opportunity. Deep down, they understand the importance of underlying motivations, the background, and the root causes. When we ask “Why?” we invite useful details that lead to deeper discussions and more impactful outcomes.

Asking “Why?” is also an excellent tool in personal communication. Our relationships with friends and family always have some implicit, unspoken layer. We don’t always need to expose all of it; sometimes, there are good reasons to keep things fuzzier. But this implicit layer can get in our way when we want to achieve something together. Asking “Why?” is an effective and subtle way to help some implicit details to surface. It is an invitation to share more. Anything affecting the conversation and its outcomes could only be addressed when it is out in the open. 

Some might consider repeated “Why?” questions intrusive or argumentative. These questions could be seen as challenging the information or the person sharing it. In his book Think Again, Adam Grant proposes an alternative to asking “Why?”: Asking “How?”. For example, instead of asking, “Why do you think the data leads to this conclusion?” you can ask, “How does the data lead to this conclusion?” While “Why” may be perceived as an attack on one’s perspective, “How” indicates genuine curiosity. In Think Again, the context of asking “How?” Is helping your conversation partner rethink their view. Our goal is different: We are not yet trying to persuade our partners; we want to understand them better. We want to see their perspective in full. 

Asking “Why?” and “How?” creates the setup for deeper conversations. Not everyone will seize this opportunity, but you will have a richer and more effective dialogue with those who will. 

No matter what method you plan to use to uncover the implicit, setting the ground by explaining your motivation and the need for a profound discussion is helpful. Don’t assume everyone gets it and understands why you ask these questions and what motivates you. When we try to decipher the implicit, there is no reason to add another implicit layer to the conversation.