PART 03: THE TAO OF COMMUNICATION // TAKE IN

02 Create a Distraction-Free Space

Distractions affect every aspect of our interactions, but most critically, they undermine our ability to absorb information. 

A while back, I was involved in a project that wasn’t in good shape. Almost every milestone was missed, plans were constantly changing, and, as far as I could tell, the same core issues kept reappearing. It seemed chaotic, but overall, it was pretty predictable. So, I took the time to compile data, analyze the problems, and propose some actions I believed could help the project. I summarized it all in an email and sent it to the manager accountable for the project. I didn’t have to wait long before receiving a reply. Surprisingly, I can quote it here without revealing anything confidential or boring you with the details. His reply was made of one word: “OK .”

I felt that I was better off receiving no response at all. This reply didn’t give me anything to work with. Was I wrong? Did I nail it? Were we going to take on my ideas or leave things as they were? I had no clue. This manager was an intelligent and opinionated person; we didn’t always agree, but this was something else. I wasn’t sure what his opinion was, and frankly, I was pretty sure he didn’t have any opinion on the matter. It felt like he skimmed through my email in under a minute and responded in less than a second. His response seemed like an afterthought — a reply written while doing something else. I felt like my work was in vain. If I had to guess, I’d say the email I got had been sent from his mobile. 

When using our mobile devices to communicate, we almost always do or should be doing something else simultaneously. Whether waiting in line, sitting in the park, commuting, or watching TV in the background, one thing is sure: we are not 100% immersed in reading what’s on the screen. We are repeatedly interrupted by notifications on our devices or (God forbid) actual things in the real world. Even if we manage to read 200 words straight, taking them in and understanding them profoundly is out of the question. Writing a detailed response on the miniature on-screen keyboard is rarely an option, but if we are not fully attentive in the first place, a relevant and thoughtful response is not possible in any case. The result is inevitably shallow communication, often leading to miscommunication. Mobile communication mirrors social media: brief comments, quick likes, and a fast scroll to the next item.

Communicating on the go is just one scenario where we are distracted by definition and unable to absorb what we read, hear, or watch fully. Distractions can dominate communication even when everyone is physically present in the same room. When we don’t treat communication as integral to the work, we often spend meeting time handling unrelated tasks. When I attend a meeting but use the time to do some other work on my laptop, there is no chance I will take in what is being said. Even when I listen in the background to keep track of when I need to jump into the conversation, my mind is on something else. No matter how important that task may be, it becomes a pure distraction in the context of the interaction. There is practically no way to think of one task and deeply understand the information shared in parallel on a different topic. Attending a meeting and actively engaging in it are two entirely different things. 

Distractions don’t have to originate from the external world. If we are preoccupied with something else while reading an email or attending a meeting, we are not fully invested in the communication and can’t truly absorb what our partners share. These distractions are not manifested physically — they are purely in our heads. The thoughts running in our heads are hard to control, but they cripple our ability to fully take in the information shared with us as we communicate. 

True, if we find most emails, text messages, and meetings ineffective at the outset, dismissing them and not being fully invested in them seems to make sense. The problem is that this approach doesn’t solve the problem — it amplifies it. When we don’t take in what others share, our ability to analyze the information is diminished. As a result, the next step in the interaction will be even shallower, which means our partners will have even fewer reasons to take in and process what we say. 

The more we communicate ineffectively, the less effective our communication becomes. Without our full attention, we only get a vague sense of what we read, hear, or watch. We might think we are on top of things, but we miss a lot; often, we miss the core of it. 

Taking in requires us to slow down and focus without distractions. We must create a setup that allows us to be fully attentive and immersed in what is being shared with us. Whether it is a meeting or an email, we must allocate enough time to take in so we won’t be forced to rush through it. A quiet place to meet or get immersed in written material is essential. Blocking any form of notifications and other digital distractions is a good practice when doing deep work, and communication is no different. 

While creating the right physical setup is essential, it is only the first step. Ultimately, we must commit to understanding our partners’ perspectives and views. We must acknowledge the value of what they share before exchanging even a single word. They are part of the communication flow for a reason: collaborating and building something meaningful together. 

Taking in doesn’t mean we have to agree. Many effective discussions and breakthroughs are the result of conflict. However, to leverage the different perspectives and to use the friction between them to pave the way to our destination, we must assume they have value. The only way to reveal this value is by understanding our partners deeply, which takes time and requires focus.